I’m accustomed to high-stakes negotiating including several house purchases, as well as corporate contracts while at IBM, and ongoing vendor/supplier deals in my consulting business. Thus, I’ve acquired the role for our family as the leader in major acquisitions.  To be honest, I was self-appointed in spite of my distaste for such tasks as the negotiation of price or the comparison of details and facts. And I received praise from friends and family members for “handling it all”. So I kept on.

After I learned about BrainStyles and the Strengths Contract which is based on the fundamental idea that you can’t change anyone, I chose a different role when my husband Gary and I made our next major purchase–a boat.

New Family Teamwork

From BrainStyles, we learned that we have two different ways of processing new information. I said to Gary, “You’re best at sorting the facts, asking pertinent questions, and focusing. I’m best at relationship-building and imagining possibilities. Let’s approach this purchase in a new way.”

Gary’s left-brained questions

• Has the prop ever been replaced?

• Are those the true hours on the engine?

• Have you done mostly fishing or water skiing with those hours?

• How many offers have you already had?

• What were they? Why didn’t you take them?

• Have you done the maintenance yourself or had it done at a dealership?

• Where does the moisture in the storage compartment come from?

• Has the hull ever been painted? If so, why?

• Have the brakes on the trailer ever been maintained?

• How many miles would you estimate are on the tires on the trailer?

• Why is the canopy moldy?

My right-brained questions

• How long have you been boaters?

• How many children? Ages? Any grandchildren? Do they go along?

• When did you start teaching the kids to water ski?

• What do your kids think about your selling the boat?

• Where have you done most of your boating?

• How have you managed to keep the seats in such nice condition?

• What will you do without a boat? New interests? Buying another one?
  
  

Relationships are dances in time, with leaders and followers continually seeking a rhythm together.
BrainStyles, pg. 45 

At first I thought some of Gary’s questions were too blunt and probing and sounded untrusting. I wondered if I should soften his interaction. Gary later confessed he thought my questions were too personal and sometimes irrelevant and wondered if he should distract me. Happily, we both let each other interact in our own way from our brainstyle.  The perceptions of these opposite gifts about each other are common. However, their acceptance of each other’s approach not only led to a better outcome but started a whole new chapter in their partnership.

From our research, the seller’s price was reasonable. I felt good about the couple who was selling the boat and wanted to give them their asking price. Gary was prepared to walk away if they didn’t take his offer of $1,000 below the asking price. He offered and they declined. We left in the rain. No boat, no deal. In the car, I expressed disappointment. Gary said, “Honey, there are lots of boats.” All I could think was how perfectly this one matched my new Expedition and his F250.

The Win-Win

Two days later, the seller called us, expressed how much they liked us, and said they would meet our offer and throw in competition water skis, a kneeboard, six life jackets, two tow ropes, and a canvas boat cover. Gary asked how soon they could meet us at the bank to transfer funds for the title. They arranged to meet in a couple of hours.

I released control of the negotiation and we got the boat we wanted, at the price Gary wanted, with $1,000 worth of barely used equipment.